So this past weekend was filled with things to do, one of which Iwas not so eager to get to. The Funeral. My dad's aunt from Tembisa, whom I had not even met in my entire life, passed on a week earlier after a short period of illness (that's as far as I know, as it was all in the orbituary)... One of the reasons I don't like funerals is the speechlessness I feel when at it, choosing the right words to say becomes difficult for me, hence I don't even ever ask questions.
Anyways, my dad texted me the week before on a saturday night, I saw the text the following day in the morning. The contents of the text was basically brief info about 'who from where' has passed on and when the burial will be... being the good daughter that I am I texted back my condolences and asked him to call me later in the day(no idea why, coz I had no idea what I would say to him). Missed his phonecall later in the evening so he called me again on Monday morning and we spoke, I felt the tiny awkwardness as I had no real strong comforting words to say(I suck at that) with relation to the death of his aunt, but he kinda made it easy for me because we spoke about a variety of things first, the conversation lasted no more than 8minutes, and the last 2minutes of the phonecall I heard myself asking "when are WE heading to Tembisa?". and then we arranged for Friday evening. during the course of the week we communicated on the sleeping arrangements, the time to leave Pretoria, who else is coming along with us and so forth.
Cold friday evening we were headed down to Tembisa, me being me and not really knowing what to expect(because I always avoid funerals with all my might) I wondered the whole way there. We got there and all was arranged for us, it was quiet busy, everyone was doing something, except for the congregation that came for the all night prayers, and me (not good). Time passed and me and those I came with headed to sleep. Morning of the burial, when we reached the family house and I saw the coffin, gosh that's when it truly hit me that these people have lost their loved one. I started feeling uncomfortable, as if suddenly being sick. thoughts raised in my head with tears in my eyes ; "This woman, lifelessly laying in that coffin, was a mother, a daughter, sister, friend, cousin, an aunt... she was loved and cared for and will obviously truly be missed." I put myself in the daughters' shoes and my heart broke helplessly. I couldn't stand it anymore that I went and waited in the car, thinking if I should even go to the cemetry or not. After a few minutes I was calm, then I decided I will go to the cemetry after all...
Had I known that there would be many more families holding their different burial services at the same cemetry, on the same row as we were, I swear I would NOT have gone. I saw tears wherever I looked and at first I thought not to think much of it, but really now! at a cemetry? what more is there to think of. I could not hold my tears back any longer as I felt the pain and the loss that this family had encountered. I felt so blessed to still have those that I love, but at the same time felt really bad for feeling that blessing at that point and time. Terrible emotions ran through me, the cries of the daughters and sons, the mothers and fathers, the sisters and brothers that were laying their loved ones to rest that morning pierced through my ears and then my heart that it started palpitating as I tried holding back my own tears to no success.Now this is One Main reason I don't like funerals.
I count my blessings daily and I thank the Almighty for all that I still have, I've thown away hatred and scratched out 'HATE' from my vocab. Because life is unpredictable to be holding grudges and still I say 'to be following the rules' ... I appreciate all that is done for me and with me, I say my "Sorry's and Thank You's" where it is due, I smile and declare my love, for you never know if you'll ever be granted the chance to sincerely say them to someone's face again... it doesn't matter how many times I say them, it beats not saying them at all while my loved ones are still alive. Death comes so sudden, whether someone was ill or not, the pain of the loss is still the same. It's unpreparable, just All So Sudden.
#Make_Wise_Decisions
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