I would if I could...

01 Oct 2015_04:51am

-Kokie Molie

I would if I could...

I would

Scream at the top of my lungs

Let out this silence of this so called strength that has been hung, inside of me

This knot in my throat, one in my stomach and the other one tangled up in my heart

If I could

I would

Loudly sing along with your melodious voice in my head

Stretch out my hand and hold on to you tightly close to my heart

Call back at you calling out my name, call on you without feeling the pain

If I could

I would

Laugh out loud at our funny memories

Jokes we used to crack in the cracks of dawn

Fearing God and quickly taking back judgments we’d impulsively make on life

If I could

I would if I could but I can’t,

And it’s probably only human that I fear judgement from others,

Of being pushed into categories of insanity

Mingled with definitions of instability.

This I fear.

I’m only human, and I would if I could but I can’t!

Maybe one day...

HOW COULD HE???

So last Wednesday night something crazy happened, and I've been thinking about it for quiet some time now since then.

He'd been sick, full blown terrible flu. I went over to his place to take care of him.
Knowing very well that I'll catch all that flu from him, I didn't care, He needed me.
So there we are, medication all around us, him sneezing and coughing and just being very sick and me mothering him of course.

Anyway, fast-forward to going to bed that night.
I think 2hours into sleep I was awoken by his painful coughing coming from the bathroom.
I jumped out of bed very concerned, ran and barged into the bathroom.
I was saddened by the sight of him that weak and sick, with tears in my eyes I asked if I can get him anything and seeing that he was irritated by this flu that he didn't even know what I should get him.(He's always the medication and diagnosis know-it-all by the way).

I put my house shoes on and ran downstairs, filled the kettle up with water, took his new birthday coffee mug (displays a picture of him and his daughter when it gets hot water... somehow I thought that would cheer him up a little). Ran back upstairs with these things and plugged in the kettle in the bedroom to make him some MedLemon.

He got a little better and we went back to sleep.
Now what happened next upset me so much, I don't even understand why though.
I didn't even check the time when this happened but it was some time in the early AMs.

Okay, so what happened is...
I had a dream, that "we were at some restaurant and he was completely fine, not sick at all.
We were having a good time when the waiter started trying to hit on me.
We didn't like it, so I suggested we call the manager so we can change our waiter.
He blatantly said "Nah, let's just go sit somewhere else".
So there we are getting up and he leads me to a table next one that has a whole bunch of woman."
This is still a dream by the way.
"He sits right by their side and starts chattering about, totally ignoring me.
I tap his shoulder to ask him what's up, he doesn't even glance at me...
So I'm completely upset at this point."

And suddenly I wake up to find my arm around him.
I think I thought I was still in this dream coz I was still so upset.
I took my arm off of him and moved to my far end of the bed **so angry**
Thinking how could he do something like this to me.
Lol like I was sooo mad I forgot he was sick.
I must've have eventually fallen asleep because I woke up to my alarm at 5:30am.
I didn't remember the dream until a bit after he woke up after my shower.
I couldn't stop laughing..

I think about about it today and I still crack at myself acting up like that.
I literally reacted to that in real life and couldn't stop myself.


This was the craziest thing to happen, I mean I've woken up crying hysterical from nightmares but this here I thought was hilarious.

Has this ever happened to you???
Wake up very upset at someone for what they did in YOUR dream?

Do Share!

It all painfully hurts, because of LOVE!

Sit & Wonder

I haven't written in a while...but that's alright.
Usually I'd feel bad about not having written anything, but I've come to acknowledge and accept what I've been preaching to myself and others all along; That 'writing needs inspiration'!

So since you're reading this, it obviously means I've been inspired. Yes, I have!

..Have you ever sat and wondered what you would do and how you'd feel when that one person you love dies???

Ok I know, you probably going like "whoa Kokie, what the actual hell?" LOL.

NB: You don't have to continue reading if you don't wanna dwell into that, because that's what I think I might just do, dwell into death. Jeez, that came out creepy.

I actually get inspiration from it recently and it drains me out so much that writing about it feels like I'm double living it so I end up not writing anything. Death is relevant, it is so relevant because it's the one certainty of life. The relevance of Life is Death. death happens because life exists, meaning without death there wouldn't really be life... and vise versa. And the only reason death hurts so much is because of the existence of love. We live and we love different people in different ways, we grow and make memories, and we create bonds so tight that they form a thick fog that covers our thoughts and acknowledgement of this certainty of life. We choose to forget it exists, which works better for us don't get me wrong, but it's because of this choice that when it happens it comes as a shock and hurts like nothing we could've ever imagined.

Oh and no I'm not about to come up with a solution, I absolutely couldn't; imagine what a hollow mess I'd be from the many people I'd have to loose as an experiment just for that solution..
I'm just merely about to share what led to this post and my feelings about it that's all.

I see you've decided to keep reading, cool.. You've come this far so note that it may be a long read ...
-Have you ever really wondered?

Well I have... And the process of wondering alone feels like crap. And what's crazy is that it lasts for a few days, that whole misery of fighting the uncomfortable edge of even imagining a life without them.

So recently I experienced a little psychotic moment that threw me off for a few hours following a miscommunication, And trust me it was psychotic... looking back at it now, to think a mere misinformation plus wild imagination could drive a person psychotic like that is just crazy.
So what happened is that I had not been updated about a certain situation of a certain somebody and I couldn't further clarify this as all contact was dead within minutes.. so that led me to creating my own scenarios, imagining that person lying somewhere in a ditch hurt or even dead and that freaked me out to a point of palpitations, chest pains, sweating and my heads spinning with endless thoughts. It was frustrating because I couldn't pull even a single thread of a positive thought, not even for a second.
And after two whole hours of insanity I received the most chilled out phone call from that person and I felt like all along my heart had stopped pumping blood and after hearing their voice I felt my flood start flowing and I could breath again. The phone call was soothing, it was like a heart massage or a painless healing from a terrible fight and I found myself crying within seconds of the call. I had this knot on my throat and tears just rolled down because I recognized this soothing feeling and I remembered that not everyone gets to have it when they need it the most.

I've had it before; several times when my mom had been in the hospital, for both births of my younger sisters because there were a lot of complications, for an operation, and for an almost fatal allergic reaction... every time she came out of the hospital I had this feeling. This is the feeling I longed for, for months on end after hearing of my great-grandmother's passing [and I'm still hoping for it].

This incident made me realize that it all happens because of love. Love is a trick. A beautiful trick when it wants to, but still a trick nonetheless.
It grabs you when you least expect it and it forces you to think there's nothing more necessary in this life.
It has us in the palm of it's hands and we always fall for it. The thing is, love is the first thing we automatically grasp onto, waayyy before we can even learn about death. So we don't have a choice for a way out really, we are trapped in love from the get go. As much as it makes things easy and beautiful, it makes them equally difficult too to accept even the smallest change that's far from our own expectations, and it's very sad once you actually think about it.

It's scary having to look at and think of the chances of loosing the people you love, loosing them to death. The chances are actually high because people die everyday. Thinking about now and I'm welling up in tears.

Sometimes when I look at the people I love I get filled with so much sadness, because I haven't figured out a way to deal with the idea of them not around... Gone... Forever.
My boyfriend always asks me "what's up?" when he catches me staring at him, I'd be admiring him and thinking about this issue at the same time. I do it with my family too and sometimes I'm able to brush it off and enjoy the moment but sometimes it's too overwhelming that it breaks me into pieces and crushes my mood for days.
I talk a lot and joke around all the time that I annoy myself sometimes, but when I'm overcome by these thoughts my days become gloomy and I don't find reason to joke around or talk about anything.. It's very frustrating because deep down I'd want to get back to the bubbly me but it would be impossible to automatically switch moods. I'd have to patiently wait for everything to calm down in my head and live along.

I wake up grateful to God every morning, for having kept me alive to witness more love from the people close to me, and I pray that He washes off the pain of death from all of us one day.

This love hurts.

And this post is very much open for discussion, if anyone out there experiences the same or even different... please share, don't be locked up in those thoughts alone!!!

... Random Update...

Alright it's yet another week and here's my little post update.

This past week has been a bit on and off actually, but mostly on.
I took a day off work last Monday and headed to The Department of Home Affairs to collect my passport and brand new smart card ID, and fortunately it didn't take all day.

YAY!!

• One of my colleagues, came back from Maternity leave and oh was I excited to see her again after such a long 4 months ...Her baby daughter Zuri is soo adorable and looks so much like Aunty K ;).

• I was able to go to varsity to register for the next semester, and oh well.. the money they need. Holly Molie its like they guarantee you a job with that.

• I got to spend a wonderful candle-lit evening with Him, not because Romance but because Cable Theft.. LOL. 

• I went home to see my mom and little sisters, and I had lovely time with them. They were very excited to see me and because I'm a cool sister and an awesome daughter, I scored myself some cool brand new boots from Mommy dearest.

• Another part of my weekend was spent with my Bestie, she cooked for me!!! Yayyy. We also went to catch a very late movie at the Mall Of Africa, watched the hilarious Central Intelligence movie... I hadn't laughed so hard during a movie until then. We stayed up until around 3.am chattering the night away.

The weekend ended pretty quick but that's alright, we have another one coming up very soon and it looks so good already.

Oh and might I add, I still struggle with procrastination guys like what the hell hey?? I've been chanting in my head to go do my hair but oh noo, the laziness level be higher than the dedication. SMH I'm still working on it.

Well I hope you had yourself a lovely productive week too. If you don't mind, let me in on what you got up to on kokie.molebale@gmail.com, or maybe hit me up on Instagram and I'll see from your timeline the fun times you been having ;). 

Keep well til the next post. Thanks for reading, Me loves it!!!

WHO IS KOKIE MOLIE???

Hello darlings, just a reminder... nothing hectic and nothing deep.

My name is Kokie Molie (Koketso Molebale), 

and here is all you need to know about me (for now):

  
#SELFIESYNDROME

Oh don't worry, I do Smile... A lot!

So, I'm a Gauteng based lady in her 20's just in case I haven't mentioned this at all.
For those who don't know, Gauteng is one of the 9 provinces in South Africa... South Africa being one of the 54 countries in the African continent. Africa is one of the 7 continents of this Planet called Earth.
I'm not trying to be funny mentioning these countries and continents, I've just happened to come across a lot of people who actually and honestly thought Africa was a "country on it's own"(Zuma's voice *lol*)... It especially comes from people outside Africa, ignorance perhaps, or the probable government-selected education syllabuses. Well now you've been educated dear Earthlings #wink.

I was born on the 28th March, and am the eldest of 3 sisters.

US Three.

A little more about me is a few of my passions...
Music; Writing; Photography.

The love for Music runs from my very heart throughout my veins. It's a passion I was definitely born with because the memory of where it all began goes far back beyond my own reach. I find peace in Music; it soothes my soul, my mind and my heart.. In every emotion I find myself in, I wrap myself in music and I'm at peace with everything. I find beauty and fascination in the sounds made by the birds, the waters, and the winds.. Weird?

My Writing interest began at a very age, following rapidly growing stages of the love for reading. With this came an interest for 'imagery' (Photography), as it was through pictures that the words were created in my mind and inked on paper. I became fascinated with peaceful sights that spotting and capturing such images came naturally to me.

Random facts:

• I'm a sucker for Romance... I love the smell of old Books * I don't like eBooks * I prefer books before movies. I love Flowers, more especially Lilies and Roses.

• All-time favorite color is Green; Movie is The Notebook; and song is If Tomorrow Never Comes. 

I'm not big fan of cake, but I'd take 100% Chocolate cake any day. I love road-trips and adventures. I have Thalassophobia (fear of diving in or swimming in the ocean/sea). I can cook, I love wine.

• I'm crazy about the shapes of my Eyes and my Teeth. Apparently I Sing very well when convinced that no-one is listening. I'm both smoothly captivated and revived by Sunsets, Sunrises, Full-Moons, Stars, Raindrops and Rainbows. 

• When I'm stressed I sleep. When I'm worried I cry. When I'm upset I clean up.When I'm happy I talk TOO MUCH.

• I love being driven than driving***. Dogs are my absolute favorite animals. I have veeery few close friends, literally less than 5. I've never been out of South Africa, I've actually only recently gotten my passport.
• I have Pork Intolerance. I don't like Cheese, Liver, Peanut Butter, Olives, Pumpkin, Sweet Potato, Honey, Dumpling, Garlic, and Plain Yogurt.

Sometimes I love to think I'm a super model... LOL, don't judge:

 

 

More of Me on: 

Facebook - Kokie Molie

Instagram - Kokie.Molie

Twitter - @Kokie_Molebale

Snapchat - kokie.molie

SoundCloud - Kokie Molie

Reverbnation - Kokie Molie

YouTube - Koketso Molebale

LinkedIn - Koketso Molebale

Ok that's all... "Story Time #2" will follow soon.

A COME-BACK!!! (What really happened to me)

I feel so bad. I feel as though I've neglected my passion for writing.
Writing Inspiration comes and goes, and comes right back again... but in my situation it feels like it's been gone for too long. In the past 6 months I've only put up 1 post, one you guys, ONE!! :(

So I've been internally complaining about this, and it has been eating me up.. but being the hopeful me, I kept chanting that "I'm gonna do it soon.. I'm gonna do it soon" and then I never really do. Until now of-course and I think its basically because I voiced out my concerns last night. I finally broke the silence off and that must have inspired me because here I am.

Between my last blog post(which was posted on my other page, do check it out.. I'll put the link at the end of this post), so yes between then and now... I've generally been busying myself with my 9to5 and my school work, and at times I would get swamped and busy at work that I'd take some work home... and I'd get really depressed because my school work would fall behind so I would cry my eyes out cause I felt it was just too much and I couldn't take it anymore.
So anyway, I really can't think of anything else that I started and successfully finished besides those two. It's like I was cursed, seriously... I've had sooo many exciting ideas to doing creative things, and they all crumbled down because I never really took initiative to put them to life. So I always told myself that I was cursed with the spell of Procrastination, and I never knew how to break it. The 'old me' would blame all this on not having been going church for a while, but no it's not that, however the church matter will be discussed some other time. Today I'm definitely breaking this spell of Procrastination.

**One of the ideas I've been pondering about(for years actually), has been taking my photography passion to a whole new level. So I'm really passionate about "single-handedly" capturing breathtaking pictures of nature, or even arranging different suiting angles and atmospheres for amazing photographs. Last year I got myself the perfect cellphone for doing this, so I got the cellphone as opposed to a camera because I know it's always in my possession, it's portable and it's pretty modern. I guess I figured that  a 20.7 MP with autofocus at 1/2.3" sensor size, LED flash, HDR, panorama, touch focus, face-detection (Oh excuse me for going on and on, I can't help it I love this phone, lol ... and it's for nothing else but the camera features which also happens to work quiet well underwater).
So I'm definitely resuming that one idea up. I think though I'll need to get me a proper camera that'll be used for that alone, I may need a more professional device for this work than a sexy one.

**Another issue that's been bugging me is that I started writing a novel a while ago, and I've been stuck on this some chapter for a year now if not more. So clearly the delay-bug bit me long ago, way longer than I've been putting out. I swear I'd even procrastinate calling my close family and friends.

**Also, I may start vlogging soon... stay tuned up on my YouTube channel to see my videos.

I appreciate the people that get to the bottom of my posts, actually reading them. I feel like it's an amazing window-opportunity for me and you to connect, as you read my posts we link up in a way and that easily vanishes the barrier of us being strangers. Connect with me more, let's talk, let's link up(my contacts and all links to my social media accounts are found on my Google+ profile). We could become good friends, if you're a writer as well perhaps, you love music, road-trips, and value good times with good people, or you're simply a reader who sometimes feels alone and feel like talking to someone (about anything really: no perverts though).

• For news and updates on my opinions about The Happenings of the World (Music, Lifestyle, Food, Fashion, etc) : http://thwkokie.blogspot.co.za/ 

Please Assist - Amogelang's Wheelchair

Good day all, 

Trust that this post finds you very well.

As an ambassador for Nnusi Gazi Foundation, I am sincerely asking for your assistance with a recent project.

We received a request to provide a child suffering from Cerebral Palsy with a wheelchair. The child in question is Amogelang Rampopo aged 5, his condition denies him the use of both his hands and legs, confining him to a wheelchair. The wheelchair that he is currently using is what he got from the hospital four (4) years ago and he has outgrown it. Amogelang lives with his mother in Moruleng just outside Rustenburg (North West province in South Africa).

Cerebral Palsy Wheelchair(Positionable)

The Foundation has been out looking for the best wheelchair for Amogelang and we have been in contact with Sitwell Technologies ( http://www.sitwell.co.za/cx/index.cfm) , who have managed to help us with a custom made wheelchair for Amogelang. The cost of this is R19 000.00 as per received quotation.

Over the past 3 days we have raised R12 000.00 and I was wondering & wholeheartedly hoping if you could help us raise the difference any way you possibly can (whatever amount/donation in this regard would be highly appreciated).

Banking Details are as follows:

Bank Name : First National Bank (FNB)

Account Holder: Nnusi Gazi Foundation

Account number: 6249 4422216

Branch code: 250655

Branch name: Carlswald

Reference: NGF_(your name)

Kindly email me on kokie.molebale@gmail.com for further information and documentation for the project.

Nnusi Gazi Foundation is a registered entity with the Department of Social Development. NPO number: 123 546

Website:: http://www.nnusigazifoundation.co.za/ 

“WHAT IS LOVE, TO YOU?”

#HandsIntertwined

“WHAT IS LOVE, TO YOU?”

He said to me “I love you”...

And I smiled and said to him “I love you right back”...

I remember this slightly misty as I was drugged by some flu medication (I was completely out of it)...

But vivid in a sense that I’m able to write about it now, contently so (two days later)...

It was a Sunday evening drive from his place to mine;

Lightly cloudy, far away stars and a quarter moon showing off;

Hands intertwined, and his soft sweet kisses floating around them;

Beautiful music playing but I can barely remember what it was

However I remember him sluggishly singing along to it #Amazing

A few minutes after our “love you-love you” interchange I started dosing off.

With our hands still together I felt his lips pressing against my wrist with sweet kisses, Again;

This woke me a little and I automatically smiled but could hardly open my eyes..

(Oncoming traffic and street lights seemed rather painfully bright to my eyes).

Then I heard his voice in the darkness of my closed eyes;

In my dazed drugged up mind, it sounded like he asked: “What is Love, to you?”

I thought I was dreaming #LOL... Yet I felt completely compelled to answer this

Because in the many times he had asked me this before,

I was weirdly “Hearing” him for the first time (even though I thought it was a dream)

The words in his question dazzled and danced their way through different parts of me

I say this because seconds later I literally had Goosebumps from head to toe

And an immense persistence to truthfully and carefully manage an honest response

However, drugged as I felt, I uttered out five broad nouns to define “this” Love

Which I wholeheartedly hoped he would understand just how I actually meant them

With my eyes still closed, this is what I remember managing to say,

Feeling entirely peaceful and happy even, I said:

“Love is Freedom

Love is Satisfaction

Love is Pleasure

Love is Joy

Love is Peace”

Then the rest of my response faded in my mouth, in my mind and in my heart

Yet the tip of my tongue continued mumbling tangled words of expressions that even I had no idea what I was trying to say

Sadly I doubt he understood my meaning of this (my audible enough response),

Because he obviously couldn’t clearly hear me,

However he pardoned me and I had to say it again with my eyes slightly open

He slowly nodded thoughtfully, yet I still doubt he understood me...

I feel I was concise but not precise enough.

Following his nod I squeezed his hand, smiled and slumbered back into a drugged mode.

His words still floating in my head,

My response floating along yet in a form of lively images of rainbows, sun shines and sunsets, moonlights, roses and stars... 
#LOL (And this here I’m certain was a dream – seemed like hours but I’m sure it was only a few seconds) 

#LateNightDrives

 **Alright this shall be part of a chapter of my novel J#ONEDAY #WHENIFINISH_IT #DEFINITELY

So now I’m adding five more, which evidently faded in my answering him

But echoed right through me to this moment...:

“... Love is Support

Love is Happiness

Love is Simplicity

Love is Neutral

Love is a Choice”

My next post will thoroughly be about precise definitions to these “Love Statements”

And I have a feeling it will be interesting... Stay tuned!!

But even if you don’t I’ll share the link anyway!!!

#ThanksForReading

I would If I could...

Haven't written in a while... 

This how I feel missing someone very close and dear to my ♥,
when this distance causes nothing but sadness in my ♥, 
I simply compiled this in 4 stanzas that only I completely understand to the core... 
But perhaps you can also relate, on situations putting doubt on certain reactions following particular emotions.

I would if I could but I can’t, or maybe I can... Just one day I might let it all out 😔.

African Queen - Kokie Molie

Someone (not mentioning any names), made this for me, trying to charm charm me... Lol, its a cute gesture but hey I'm not easily taken like that...



I mean Yellow bone nyana like me, African Queen?? well I am an African and I like being regarded and treated as a Queen, so for that I'll be flattered and blush a little bit!! But if this was a "Shela" strategy, trying to hit on me and all, then LOL!! Askies my brother :)



Anyway, I'll make something nice and trendy out of it and say #CantWaitForSummer #SummerCountDown, share if you're impatiently waiting for summer ;)

“I love you”

This phrase I have heard thousands of times.

Heard as the sound of my own voice, declaring my emotions;

Heard it from so many different people

In so many different occasions

For thousands of different reasons

At times these are directed to me, other times to people I know

Or as a re-enactment on TV or the Radio

The simplicity of saying the words, 3 seconds or less it must be.

Unless of course dragged and hesitantly said, otherwise it is 3 seconds on average..

Yet the courage and depth of putting actual meaning to them,

Is what produces the effect it has on people..

Different meanings for different individuals.

They create some sense of expectancy from another.

I personally think these 3 words are both scary and pleasing..

Scary especially when said as some form of a Key to a particular relationship.

Going from fancy to like, from like to strong like J, and then Love.

Seems that Love tops them all, it is the greatest feeling beyond all positive feelings..

When truly meant, it is an all rounder of Joy, Care, Happiness, Faith, Hope...; well you catch the drift

All those amazing lovely emotions

But why is Love made to feel so heavy, to be so deep??

Don’t get me wrong though, I love Love

But I feel that it carries so much meaning that it automatically reflects as being both literally and intellectually heavy.

It’ll toss and turn you up from your sleep

It’ll knot the insides of your tummy

It’ll weaken your knees and give you palpitations at the sight of a certain person

It’ll exaggerate your care

Make you question your sanity because a certain person is all you can think about, worry about and feel that they are all you need

Its scary man, or maybe we're just fooled.. lol

Or is it us the “Lovers/the ones who love” that deepens it so much unnecessarily?

I completely melt when I hear the words “I love you” directed at me..

Makes me feel insanely special, makes me feel like I’m on a pedestal of roses and stars #hides

Especially when I feel its meaning hit my heart.

Be it from my folks, my sisters, friends or that one special person that I had probably been anticipating it from J.

And I don’t just say the words; I mean them all the time when I say them..

But I fear saying them a lot, because most people in most cases feel like it puts them on a spot,

A spot of remaining pure as they feel that’s all I love... But no!

I don’t want that, I fully understand our abilities as humans hence I do not put any expectations on anyone or anything I declare my love to.

Should I tell you I love you, simply know this:

I love with all my might, unconditionally so, completely knowing and accepting the freedom of making mistakes, hence I take our daily wake to right those mistakes. My love is simple!

I love you with your past, because it is that which I’m grateful to, for making you who you are this day – Lovable. 

I love enough to forgive in advance and believe you care enough to acknowledge and apologize. Simple!

When I love, I love the heart that I have come to learn and know.

All I know for now, I love enough to take it with all that it may come with, in the future.

The future that I may only be hopeful for, because for all I know, we may only have today.

Hence it is today I want you to know that I truly care for your lovely heart..

So much so that I willingly give you mine to do as you may with it, simple!

I can only hope and have enough faith that you will care for it just as I care for yours,

Can only hope for the prolonged respect and loyalty.

But do not on any given day/moment get this twisted, this hope I speak of is NOT an expectation at all!!!

Love is still scary though, I am however, with every second I spend talking to or being with you, working on shedding this fear... I mean one can only be afraid for so long.

...to be continued...

Alright with all of this said ‘for now’, I must declare my love for writing...

The therapy is gives me is unbelievable

I missed this!!!

BRIAN TEMBA LIVE at YAMAHA THEATER

Kokie Molie #takeONE

Oh my Gosh ... I'm actually doing this #Breathes

Time Appreciation!!! **Lerato Ngapo**

For quite a long time I have heard the words:

"Spend your day like it’s your very last"

Doing the things with the people you love or just making sure they know you love them

Sad and rather confusing how this saying mainly haunts us when we've just lost someone unexpectedly (sad that it’s mostly Unexpected)

To this still-mysterious ordeal called "Death"

Be not proud you stranger...

Death, you’re a stranger that we know but can never truly define

You live among us yet we still find it hard to recognize you

You're just a moody something that just comes around as it pleases

No doorbell... No black clouds... Just Smoke, to show the already done deed.

You're so cruel you force us to have to understand you

Yet you refuse to understand us, 

To understand that perhaps we need more time?!?

We're meant to live on such a contradictory world that says we have all the time in it

Yet turns and says we have limited time, and we should use it "wisely"

I personally reason with your existence as being "The balance of life"

Some means to try understanding that we can't all fit on to this stupidly and surprisingly small world.

This makes it no less hard though!!

I know we'll meet, recognize and know exactly who you are...

...But in our own uniquely "given" time and way,

It’s sad because even then you'll still deny us the time to inform and prepare our loved ones who we’ll be leaving behind

Recently, you have claimed our most wonderful and beloved LERATO NGAPO...

A lovely, beautiful young lady whom we've grown to know, love and make pleasant memories with

Life, as sometimes misleading as it is, made us look forward to her beautiful successful future

In the meanwhile, we went on about our 'lives' and forgot to make time to show appreciation

Little did we know that God had his own different plans, or is it rather that we chose not to dwell on the thoughts of What-Ifs?

We went to church together, and she used to come to me for some advice...

We’d end on a note that she should always strive for success and avoid distractions.

I keep reminding myself to not question The Lords' intelligence.

But such deals are hard to be kept intact.

I keep the hope that one day,

...just one day, we'll all get the answers to every single question we've ever had...

One day, definitely in another lifetime.

Heartaches with intense confusions were created to be cried upon,

Because in some strange way... the tears almost sooth the pain away.

I did cry about Lerato's passing, 

We weren't necessarily "close", but I loved her so much like a little sister

...and had always envisioned an amazing future for her

It feels like an unfulfilled promise, an unwanted wake from a Beautiful dream.

It deeply saddens and confuses me entirely.

I'd seen her furious, happy, and sad

I've heard her crazy sweet laughter, crazy sarcastic remarks on certain things, annoyed statements...

.. And always admired her presence, it always put a smile to my face to see her smiling back.

She had a lovely smile, which she always carried around with her even on some of her sad days.

I truly cannot recall a bad memory of her,

That’s why I loved her so dearly (and will always love the memory of her)

Her church life was filled with so many beautiful people, who truly loved her, 

This I know for I had witnessed it first hand

May her beautiful soul Rest in perfect peace, 

I speak for the few mutual friends we shared when I say:

"We appreciate the limited time we had been blessed with, to have spent with her... We are truly grateful to have known you the way we did... We will most definitely miss you, some more than others yes, but we'll all still miss you."

I pray that God strengthens your family through this unfortunate ordeal, that he blesses them with the wisdom of dealing well with it all.

FAREWELL 'RATOO', 

As Bongani had said "Till we meet again Lady Lira"

Rest in Peace Lovie.

 PS: our love for you remains intact!